Why is Fall 2026 Cancelled?
I’ve told multiple people that my heart and my nervous system have been battling it out for months… My heart wanted Pear to happen this fall, my nervous system was waving a white flag. I’ve been a huge mental health advocate plus a ‘moms need self care’ advocate for years, and I knew what I would tell a friend battling the same decision… I had to accept that I need to take care of myself and my family, as they come first. So unfortunately there is no Pear Pop Up this Fall🥲🥲🥲
When I started Pear, I could have never predicted what was ahead. I could have never anticipated doing it on my own after just two events. I have hesitated sharing things, because I don’t want to be negative, but decided to since it should help you understand why my nervous system is tapped. And maybe make someone else going through hard things feel less alone.
I also could have never anticipated something we went through, that changed every aspect of our life. Too many many people I love are connected to this trial, or I’d share more. It was the worst thing an Enneagram One could face, being accused of something we didn’t do. I’m thankful we were able to prove ourselves, but even hard facts wasn’t enough and things will never be the same. I only share this because it’s toll had physical consequences later.
Life got tougher… our 5th child, our sweet Maren Mae was born with a skull condition called Scaphocephaly (Sagittal Craniosynostosis). She quickly became our focus, but the other situation we were dealing with made my forced isolation debilitating, mentally and physically. Maren had multiple hospital stays, a feeding tube, and multiple skull surgeries in Portland, Oregon (we opted for the Spring Assisted Cranioplasty, which was done at 4 months old). Witnessing her unimaginable pain was tough as a mama.
Her journey has been documented on Instagram and I’m grateful I had the support & somewhere to share during that time. Every doctor and therapist told us she’d turn a corner around a year of age, so I knew every month prior to that I would get to enjoy my baby being just a baby. I did every alternative therapy approved for babies and I’m so thankful we reached that milestone at 8 months old, two months before her final surgery (to remove her metal springs). She’s now an almost 3 year old a chatterbox, pays attention to everything, is so funny and the light of our home💛
Since I’d cancelled Fall 2023 + Spring 2024 event due to my sweet baby, I was excited to start planning the Fall 2024 event. I was so exhausted. I cried every day of planning. I didn’t feel like canceling was an option, even though I was miserable and didn’t understand why. The sale had come and gone and I still felt terrible. In early December I found a mass in the hollow at the base of my throat. Just over a week later it was confirmed by biopsy as cancerous. Everything I’d been feeling, the trouble swallowing, the ulcer in my throat, the night sweats, the exhaustion.. it all made sense.
We had to wait two long months before it could be removed, not knowing where else it was in my body. The biopsy had come up as a secondary cancer, so I’m still not sure why they didn’t do a PET scan prior to surgery since it would have relieved a lot of worry…. On Valentine’s Day of 2025 I had my mass removed. It was wrapped around my vagus nerve and they were transparent that they didn’t know if they could save the nerve. Thankfully, Dr Kyle Tubbs at Glacier Ear Nose & Throat is the best, most gentle doctor and was able to remove everything and preserve the nerve.
Radiation was reccomended, to catch any small particles, but the radiation doctor was transparent. He said a rebound cancer in 20 years is very common. He, along with a second opinion, were okay with close monitoring, scans every 6 months for 5 years and then an annual scan for life after that.
Every doctor that reviewed my case said the two types of cancer found, the location and my age didn’t make sense. I knew… it was a physical manifestation of anger and grief, from what we went through before Maren was born, and from all she went through. What’s so crazy is that emotion can actually turn to cancer.
In the Spring of 2025 I did a Mini Pear event, and even though it was smaller it was still a lot of planning. I ultimately decided doing Pear once a year in the Fall was enough for me in this stage of life. I was excited to plan the Fall 2025 event, especially excited to be able to walk into the Grandstand for a second time with a map of the layout. One month out from the event I was told the Grandstand (11,800 sq ft) wasn’t going to be available due to structural issues, but the Expo building (16,800 sq ft) would be. I started out in 20,000 square ft so I knew I could do it…. but it was NOT the switch up I needed. It took every last bit of energy to get through extra planning, extra consignors and event week. Thankfully, we had our best sale yet, by far! I’m so grateful for the support of this incredible community.
Going into planning Fall 2026, I knew the only way it could be possible was with dedicated help from beginning, planning til the end, even after the event wrapped. I’ve had team members come and go, and some incredible gals that have been a part of every one. It wouldn’t have been possible without them. Most gals that have helped are moms first like me, but no one that has stepped up with the capacity to be a partner from beginning to end. I was grateful when two incredible Consignors & local business owners reached out a few weeks ago. After multiple meetings, we almost hit send. Ultimately my nervous system still was yelling at me and I knew I had to listen to it or I’d pay the price. I realized even if I had an army of 20 people that came and helped every day, I honestly didn’t think I could do it. I hold too much information, that ultimately would need to be written down, documented and taught.
On top of all I shared, it didn’t include that we sold our house we built, moved out July 1st and were on the road for most of the summer… we are in a rental, building a spec house and then building our own home. So, yeah there’s been a lot going on lol.
Cancelling Pear again has the hardest decision. I feel like I’m failing you all, especially since it’s not the 1st, 2nd or 3rd time… but to be honest, reading all that I wrote, I can see why I need to take time to rest. One of the gals that met up with me said I can see the decision has been weighing heavily on you, and it has. It feels good to finally share.
If you know me, you know I’m not that great at resting😅 I HAVE to learn, to be there for myself and my family♥️ I can’t imagine never doing Pear again, so I hope it’ll work out next fall, and I hope you will wait for me.
Thanks for understanding, and for supporting either decision, it’s meant SO much!
Love,
Alexa Johnston with my family
